domingo, octubre 15
chatting with myself
Last week I turned 30. Well, 31 really. But who cares.
Since then, I've been dreaming about change. What change. Don't know. Change of wardrobe. Change of haircut. Any change.
I dress like a stupid teen. I still feel like a stupid teen. Maybe, because I am.
See, I turned 30. And somehow I feel 15.
I wish I had a time travel transport system. I'd walk up to the ticket office and ask for a round trip ticket to 15 year old time. I wouldn't carry a backpack with photos, notebooks, or anything to show this person. Just me, and my words.
As I ride the transportation device (would the trip be too long?) I'd try not to think too much of the things I might forget to say. Because I always do that. Obsess over things I fear to forget.
Anyhow, I've rehearsed the conversation with 15 year old me. It goes something like this:
30 yearoldme: hey, kid.
15 yearoldme: oh my! (scary situation, of course)
30 yearoldme: just listen to me, freak out later. please, try to remember these things I'm going to tell you, I know you forget things easily, so stop thinking about that silly boy that you'll never see again, and pay attention.
15 yearoldme: (awkward silence)
30 yearoldme: you need to decide right now what you want to do with you life.
15 yearoldme: that's what you're here for? bah, I already know: I'm gonna go to "fancy college", because my best friend is going and she says it's the best school in Peru and I believe her, and it's gonna be so much fun!
30 yearoldme: fun?!??!?! (gasp)
15 yearoldme: (this lady has serious issues...)
30 yearoldme: kid, that school is going to burn your brains off, trust me. you have to realize one thing. I know you want to migrate to McLand when you're done with peruvian fancy college, right?
15 yearoldme: yeah, that's where my brother and sister live.
30 yearoldme: see, by the time you're done with your fancy peruvian college, sister and brother are gonna be parents.
15 yearoldme: cool!
30 yearoldme: yeah...but, not really. that means you won't be the baby sister anymore. you'll become... an aunt.
15 yearoldme: so?
30 yearoldme: nevermind. focus on this: it's important that you realize that going to fancy peruvian college is an investment. not just dad's money, but your time and effort. which is just as valuable. understand?
15 yearoldme: I guess.. but this school is really good! I KNOW it's going to get me a great career... I will be offered fabulous jobs! and I'll be accepted in ivy league colleges for graduate education!
30 yearoldme: naive kid, you know nothing. fancy peruvian college is a stupid choice if you're NOT going to be amongst the top 10% of the class. you're smart. but lazy. aknowledge that. do you want to go to McLand? then being smart is not enough. A LOT of people are as smart as you or more. face it, dad can't possibly pay for graduate school, so you'll be on your own. that means you'll have to get a scholarship and that means you'll have to beat all those other little geniuses around you in fancy peruvian college.
15 yearoldme: c'mon.. those twerps? I already beat them at the academy.. piece of cake..
30 yearoldme: oh, yeah? those kids will outsmart you, remember that. they'll all graduate sooner than you. and they'll all get nice jobs sooner than you.
15 yearoldme: (sound of jaw dropping)
30 yearoldme: listen, forget fancy peruvian college. consider easy peruvian college.. or average peruvian college instead.
15 yearoldme: WHAT! no way! EW!
30 yearoldme: please, try to fight arrogance, it's not going to get you anywhere. at all..
15 yearoldme: I am NOT going to those mediocre schools.
30 yearoldme: believe me, no one cares.. you're all the same to the market. and, by the way, you're heading straight to mediocrity, anyways.
15 yearoldme: (jaw dropping lower)
30 yearoldme: besides, if you're going to apply for a McLand grad school scholarship, it'll be easier for you to be in the top 10% of the class in easy peruvian college, see? going to fancy peruvian college and not being among the top of the class only makes sense if you want to stay in Peru and fight the competition in its uneasy labor market. but then, this might be your life scenario: graduate from fancy peruvian college, eventually get a shitty executive position, work your ass off to a miserable third world mid-class wage, complain about living with your dad to random peruvian jerk you're going out with, and worrying sick everytime your work contract gets close to its due date and god knows if it'll be renewed while Alan Garcia is back in town.
15 yearoldme: Fuck!
30 yearoldme: yeah..
15 yearoldme: so, um, what is it that you are doing now with your, I mean, MY life?
30 yearoldme: you don't need to know that.. and what I'm doing now might change anyways if you want to.
15 yearoldme: c'mon.. tell me.. I want to know!
30 yearoldme: get your tango shoes ready..
15 yearoldme: (wtf..)
30 yearoldme: forget it. I know you want to go to fancy peruvian college, it's challenging, you like that, and it's good. but, if your do decide to go there, promise yourself one thing: once the sparks wear off, and they will, and you end up overwhelmed and disgusted with all that neoliberal capitalist crap, when you feel like running away from them, do it. have no fear. don't just finish school for the sake of it. trust you gut. always.
15 yearoldme: I can't leave things unfinished. I just CAN'T.
30 yearoldme: deal with it.
15 yearoldme: anything else "I need to know"? heh
30 yearoldme: this is serious
15 yearoldme: well, you show up and tell me to forego good education and encourage me to settle for mediocrity. I might be only 15, but I can tell good from wrong already.. why can't you just tell me to study harder or something like that? it really scares me that I might become a person who embraces mediocrity. I have ambitions, you know.
30 yearoldme: I know you do. that's why I'm here.
15 yearoldme: why don't you just tell me what men am I gonna meet? that should be a more useful information! ha!
30 yearoldme: I just want you to realize that you need to have a clear goal and work for it without wasting resources. it's a competitive world, kid. you need to be efficient.
do you want to do like brother or sister? work your way up? then don't even bother going to college, pack your bags and leave for McLand now. don't think of doing it ten years later, when you're all messed up and they have their own families, they just won't handle a twenty-something "troubled kid".
do you want to go McLand without being a burden to them? do you want to go to grad school there? then you need to have a top of the class certificate, it's up to you, go to fancy peruvian college and drive yourself crazy, or go to easy peruvian college and work hard without going insane. Ivy league is hard to score, even if you become nerdy enough to get those qualifications.
do you want to stay in Peru and make a successful career? resignate to live with you dad and his rules for quite a few years, success does not happen overnight no matter how fancy your college is. you'll still have to work hard. fabulous job positions drop from heaven only to those who were excellent students. everyone else will have to fight each other like crazy. and the sooner you jump into the labor pool, the better. don't, I repeat, DON'T wait until you're finished with college to start looking for a job. don't do it for the money, I know you don't need it, do it for your résumé. you'll want to kill yourself when you're done with college and all the good jobs require at least 3 years experience from a 23 year old graduate (with good if not outstanding academic record, by the way).
15 yearoldme: wait a minute, why did you say "don't think about doing it ten years later"? college education doesn't take 10 years, but 5.
30 yearoldme: you really don't want to know the answer to that...I'll just say it's going to be a rocky road.
15 yearoldme: now, I'm all confused. all three of those options sound good to me. can't I make this decision later? I'm scared. I'm not good at making decisions.
30 yearoldme: I know that. but it's important that you think about it now. you tend to think that time is elastic. and it's not.
15 yearoldme: ..are you happy? you look kind of sad.
30 yearoldme: I'm just tired, I guess. It's been a long trip. And I kind of need to be going back. I have to work on something..
15 yearoldme: what?
30 yearoldme: my grad school thesis.
15 yearoldme: so you DID go to grad school! why don't you tell me the good stuff? I was worried you were all fucked up!
30 yearoldme: well...
really, I gotta go.
15 yearoldme: no, I want to know more...
30 yearoldme: but it all might change, don't you see?
15 yearoldme: ok, one last question then. and you can go.
30 yearoldme: fine..
15 yearoldme: if I change our life, don't you fear losing all the people you've met because of it?
30 yearoldme: yes, of course.
15 yearoldme: so?
30 yearoldme: I guess I'll never know I lost them. I mean, right now I don't know who I've lost for not following a different path. still, I know it sound cold and awful, but it's sad. yes, I'm worried about losing dear people.
15 yearoldme: ok. go home now. whatever that is. heh.
30 yearoldme: (brief smile and walk away slowly)
30 yearoldme: (coming back, doubtful) hey...
15 yearoldme: what's up?
30 yearoldme: when you get the chance, just kiss J****. don't hesitate. don't think. just do. when you get the chance, sleep with G****. don't hesitate. don't think. just do. when you meet C*****...
15 yearoldme: I know, kiss him and sleep with him, don't hesitate. don't think. just do...
30 yearoldme: no, no. RUN away from him. fast.
sound of time travel device approaching:
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Lo dijo Scavenger Bride y le dejaron
10 Comentario(s)
Comentarios:
you're fucking creative. I'm starting to believe it's a question of fffzzzwwsszf.........
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lo dijo 
a las 3:04 a. m., octubre 16, 2006
a las 3:04 a. m., octubre 16, 2006
Pucha novia, no me hagas esto un lunes por la mañana. NO HAY DERECHO.
lo dijo 
maría malló a las 5:43 a. m., octubre 16, 2006
maría malló a las 5:43 a. m., octubre 16, 2006
novia darling
somebody told meeeeee sooooo
(sponsored by: en solo un messss hablas inglessss)
me dijo alguien pues, así me dijo: "madru, reini, ni leas hoy a la novia lindi porque te va a dar"
y yo vine pues aquí a saludar, a tomar tecito a las 3.44am y no pueeeees...
YA ME DIO!
a ti te encanta el hubiera, no veci?
pucha si yo me pongo a hablar con la madru quinceañera...
ayayayay
seguro me patea, o llora (o peor, las dos cosas juntas)
mi pastillita por favoooor.
somebody told meeeeee sooooo
(sponsored by: en solo un messss hablas inglessss)
me dijo alguien pues, así me dijo: "madru, reini, ni leas hoy a la novia lindi porque te va a dar"
y yo vine pues aquí a saludar, a tomar tecito a las 3.44am y no pueeeees...
YA ME DIO!
a ti te encanta el hubiera, no veci?
pucha si yo me pongo a hablar con la madru quinceañera...
ayayayay
seguro me patea, o llora (o peor, las dos cosas juntas)
mi pastillita por favoooor.
lo dijo a las 10:54 p. m., octubre 17, 2006
a las 10:54 p. m., octubre 17, 2006
quizás todo dependa de la carrera...
quizás sea "hago algo que no me gusta pero gano suficiente dinero" (yo pues, yo)
yo no sé, ya no sé....
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
novia por qué me haces esto?
tengo un sentimiento que no sé como definir...
quizás sea "hago algo que no me gusta pero gano suficiente dinero" (yo pues, yo)
yo no sé, ya no sé....
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
novia por qué me haces esto?
tengo un sentimiento que no sé como definir...
lo dijo diego a las 6:29 a. m., octubre 20, 2006
diego a las 6:29 a. m., octubre 20, 2006
50yearoldyou:- hey 30 year old me! stop worrying, stop frowning! you see this wrinkles? please!!!!! don't!! and don't forget using a 15 spf lotion everyday!! at least!!
lo dijo a las 3:56 p. m., octubre 20, 2006
a las 3:56 p. m., octubre 20, 2006
Este post justifica que practique el inglés, religiosamente, puntualmente, descarnadamente, tercamente, para entender yo misma, sin pedir a alguien que me lo traduzca. Capto destellos, los que no te faltan, novia de las novias.
Ay, me da, por soñar en inglés..., qué exageración...
Ay, me da, por soñar en inglés..., qué exageración...
lo dijo Rain (Virginia M.T.) a las 5:22 a. m., octubre 23, 2006
Rain (Virginia M.T.) a las 5:22 a. m., octubre 23, 2006
alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ay
ay
ay
ay
ay
ay
ay
:::::::
ya me dió
me voy a cantar josé josé
yalopasadopasadooooooooo
alaaaaaaaaaaa veci novia
a usté le ha dado por ahí no?
bien lindi es usté
saca su cuchío
del "si hubiera"
del "ya veeees? yo te dije chibola"
a toditos nos despanzurra
y nos salpicaaaaaaaa
si yo veo a la esperanza
quinceañera
le diria
preparate para lo que se viene
no le hagas caso
a ese y a ese otro
no estudies secretariado
que igualito vas a escribir blog
con dos dedos
algo asi
claro que seguro buscaría a la
madru
quinceañera
pa
patear y llorar juntas....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
ya vengo
ay
ay
ay
ay
ay
ay
ay
:::::::
ya me dió
me voy a cantar josé josé
yalopasadopasadooooooooo
alaaaaaaaaaaa veci novia
a usté le ha dado por ahí no?
bien lindi es usté
saca su cuchío
del "si hubiera"
del "ya veeees? yo te dije chibola"
a toditos nos despanzurra
y nos salpicaaaaaaaa
si yo veo a la esperanza
quinceañera
le diria
preparate para lo que se viene
no le hagas caso
a ese y a ese otro
no estudies secretariado
que igualito vas a escribir blog
con dos dedos
algo asi
claro que seguro buscaría a la
madru
quinceañera
pa
patear y llorar juntas....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
ya vengo
lo dijo a las 4:03 a. m., octubre 24, 2006
a las 4:03 a. m., octubre 24, 2006
kiddies, I updated the post. (mejor dejo el inglés... yungaaay)
bah, le puse un soundtrack no má.
y porque volvió la jopi guardo mi chaira del hubiera un rato.
oye, yo también quiero jugar a la quinceañera...
y quiero que cani sea mi chambelán, ya?
bah, le puse un soundtrack no má.
y porque volvió la jopi guardo mi chaira del hubiera un rato.
oye, yo también quiero jugar a la quinceañera...
y quiero que cani sea mi chambelán, ya?
lo dijo Scavenger Bride a las 5:41 p. m., octubre 27, 2006
Scavenger Bride a las 5:41 p. m., octubre 27, 2006
jajaja hubiera estado encantado de chambelanear!
... es una lastima que tenga que escribir esto ahora, justo cuando me sorprende el ridiculo de probarme mi sombrero de jack sparrow, sintiendome pesimo de no haberme dejado la barbita mas tiempo para poder trenzarmela y ponerle conchitas, caracolitos, etc.
ay los hubieras...
sñif
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... es una lastima que tenga que escribir esto ahora, justo cuando me sorprende el ridiculo de probarme mi sombrero de jack sparrow, sintiendome pesimo de no haberme dejado la barbita mas tiempo para poder trenzarmela y ponerle conchitas, caracolitos, etc.
ay los hubieras...
sñif
lo dijo a las 10:38 p. m., octubre 28, 2006
a las 10:38 p. m., octubre 28, 2006
